If You Only Knew – Confessions of a Special Needs Mom
If you only knew…
The amount of stress, worry, fear, happiness and love that come with riding the special needs/medically complex rollercoaster ride we call life.
How many words of encouragement I have to give myself some mornings, just to get out of bed.
The number of times I softly whisper “what the fuck” to myself, and how many times I yell it some days.
And, my lack of faith in humanity as a whole for all the judgment of things most know nothing about… among other things.
If you only knew…
How many times I’ve used deep breathing techniques, and ultimately resorted to tears because it’s better than losing my shit.
Or, how many times I just couldn’t handle one more thing, and lost my shit…despite my best efforts.
Being happily married and feeling like a single parent because your family, your heart, is split in two different places as one of your children receives medical treatment.
If you only knew…
The feeling when someone says “let me know what I can do to help” and you will never, because you don’t want to burden anyone else with YOUR problems, or even have faith they will actually help.
And, the silent screams for help that fall on deaf ears.
The overwhelm you feel going through the basic every day tasks.
Or, Trying to ditch the feeling that something’s got to go wrong because life has been too good for too long.
How many times I wanted to quit, then got back up a few minutes later to do it all again.
If you only knew…
How anxious I used to be, and far I’ve come over the years.
How much anxiety and built up trauma our entire family holds.
How positive I try to remain through the difficult times, and even every day life.
The numbers of times we have heard medical professionals say “I’ve never seen that before” and “well, typically…”
If you only knew….
How many times I’ve watched my child fight for her life, AND WIN!
And, how many times I thought I might not walk out of the hospital with her alive.
The fear of not knowing what the future holds.
How hard we’ve fought to get her the services and/or care she NEEDS and DESERVES.
If you only knew…
How hard my daughter works to accomplish the things that come easily to others.
The love I, my husband, our kids, our family has for our medically complex Unicorn.
If you only knew…
Kailanie, my daughter, for the amazing person she is.
And, the love SHE has for life.
If you only knew…
Maybe you might have a little more compassion for people in general, especially those you know nothing about.
It’s possible you could to try to understand some people fight silent battles alongside the loud ones.
Maybe you could go the extra mile for a stranger.
Perhaps it would put more things into perspective.
It’s possible you could want be part of the change for a better tomorrow.
If you only knew.
